How To Not Be A Fuckboy 101


I know you don’t mean to thirst so hard.
I know you want to be loyal in theory. 
So here’s a way through,
a couple of mind-blowing tips,
from one ex-fuckboy to another.

1. Don’t start what you don’t trust God to help you finish. Don’t drag in innocents to fight your demons.

2. If and when you choose to ignore rule #1,
if and when dehydration catches you off guard, 
love the skin, the lips, the heart and brain and soul of fire and freckles on the body
of the woman you
Pay more attention. 
Her waist and ribs, her breath is home, 
her hair is a garden in full bloom, 
eyes like two moons to illuminate your darkest nights.
When you get the itch to peruse
tell her you’re lonely,
tell her she’s beautiful,
tell her she’s wise,
tell her she’s gonna be the queen mother of your child and mean it,
tell her she is a hand-crafted, sun baked bed of thick skin, curves, and lillies seasoned with caribbean spice and everything nice, everything danger,
tell her she is loved even when she feels ugly,
even when she’s not meeting the needs of your lust,
tell her that her love is worthy
of patience
and Malibu views wrapped in Egyptian cotton sheets serving world class breakfast
and unconditional commitment
and three world wars
and late night tickles
and lips caressing places that ought to be caressed,
tell her that she is sweet wine and Sunday Candy
and two hurricanes
and a homemade recipe of sugar, smiles, and fine that only Yahweh could have gotten right.

3. Pray for her joy so badly that it makes situationship type niggas uncomfortable.

4. Look for her in every girl or woman that tries to stroke your affection. When you conclude that your search has failed, turn away. Go find her.

5. If you consistently break rules #2, 3, and 4, let her walk away. Refer back to #1. Go to God. Try again. Stay in church kid. Find guidance. You need tutoring. Perspective. Clarity.

If she stays anyway
I don’t know what else to say.
You lucked up. Found a real one.
Treat her like you believe it.
And remember, this time, with all fear and reverence,

that God don’t like fuckboys.


Cover Photo by William Stitt on Unsplash