Permission to Crack

allow yourself to break.
playing tough won’t make it fade,
God can’t fix what you fake.

compose yourself.
get it together. stop complaining. blaming.
break, just don’t stay
a broken record.
staying hurt won’t help it.
bitterness is just brokenness left untreated.
you can heal, you have permission.

 

are you sure

do I have permission to crack
to cry
to break
do I have permission to know what hurt feels like
to keep to myself
to tell you my secrets
to trust you won’t tell
do I have permission to believe you
to believe my God
to doubt every once in awhile
do I have permission to just be
me
chocolate
ebony
jollof rice
Harlem and educated
boy still growing
man still learning
a body
still breathing
do I have permission to speak my mind
I tend to be the youngest in the room
do I have permission to move, swerve, find a room, 
kiss the floor with my knees, 
touch the sky with my faith when Lust whispers,
do I have permission to fail
to be human
bones
broken
bruised
I too have flesh misused
do I have permission to respond to fools with silence
to withhold my violence
do I have permission to call out whiteness every time it abuses me & my people
to not be your token black boy as proof that not all black boys are evil
gang banger
thug
demons
saggin
helpless
ruthless
more useful as prison fodder
pipeline martyrs
do I have permission to change the narrative
to crack while naked, sweat blood, fall in public, and still decide what I choose to be embarrassed by
do I have permission to break the cycle & kiss the broken record whole again
do I have permission to make America great for the first time
or at least try to
with some loan forgiveness & a bullet free rib cage
do I have permission to walk without the shackles you say look good on me
do I have permission to be worth God’s breath and pulse and execution
and still be a sculpture in progress
do I have permission to quote the Bible in context & keep up with Jesus over Jones’s
& gather knights waiting in the darkness
do I have permission to love my enemy into submission
do I have permission to accept His forgiveness
knowing I will fail 10,000 more times
do I have permission to be holy
even when it’s inconvenient for you
do I have permission to scream too
cuss less
stay humble
speak true
do I have permission to crack open and be something new?

perhaps the problem
is that I’m even asking you.

 

Cover Photo by Matt Artz on Unsplash